Impatiently being patient

Let’s face it. At our age there are two types of people: 1) the “carefree, living for today, no regrets” type of people and 2) the “i’m so worried about the future, i don’t even really care about right now” type of people. Unfortunately, I’m the latter. My whole life I’ve always looked forward to and dreamed about the future. When I was 13 I was ready to be 16. When I was 16 I was ready to be 19. Now that I’m 19, I’m ready to be 21. When I’m 21 I’ll probably be ready to be 25. Even though I’m always ready for the future, I also get nostalgic about time floating by. Just yesterday I was walking into the big ol’ doors to middle school and then before I knew it I was throwing my graduation cap in the air with my high school buddies. My first year of college flew by. They say time flies when you’re having fun and “they” are absolutely right. Freshman year of college was probably the best year of my life so far. The adventures I went on, the friends I made, the mistakes, the memories–all of it I will cherish forever. I do miss it. Especially since I was totally going through the sophomore slump this past semester. The thrill of college was gone. I had already done everything. So coming back this semester was kind of a let down; besides joining a sorority that is. If I hadn’t joined a sorority, this semester probably would have completely sucked. Literally 5 out of 6 of my best girlfrans are in relationships. 1 of my close friends Joe left to go to a bigger school and my other bestie Angelie is taking a semester off. Everyone is kind of doing their own thing. Not to mention the workload in college is so draining. I can’t even begin to describe how ready I am to be done with it. Especially after such a bad academic semester, I just don’t have the energy to slave through another one. Every year, life gets somewhat more difficult. This is because I’m growing up. It’s something I wasn’t ready to face, but I have to. As much as I want to be this carefree/no worries type of girl, I just can’t be. Working my butt off in school is the only thing that will help me achieve my dreams. As exhausting as the next few years will be with school work, I know it’ll pay off when I’m looking at the world from a skyscraper (hopefully hehe). I just have to gain that motivation to do my work and balance school & social life. Last semester I pretended I gave my life to school, but really I sat in my room and watched Netflix and ate large amounts of junk food alone. Freshman year I gave my life to the social scene and it ended with me and too many frat boys. I’m still working on the whole balancing thing. I guess it’s a process. Next semester I was appointed two positions in my sorority: Public Relations Chair and New Member Education Assistant Teacher. Basically I’ll be coming up with a PR campaign for my sorority and maintaining all of our social media sites (the marketing nerd in me is very stoked) and for the new member education assistant, I’ll be helping teach the new members all they need to know about Tri Sigma. I’m also tackling some hard classes this semester. So it should be a challenging semester, but hey maybe I’ll actually learn how to manage my time and still have a slot to take a shot once in awhile. I think the key to being happy really does lie within us. Being happy is a choice and last semester I chose not to be happy and mope around. Who cares if I’ll be the only single one of my friends at school next semester? Who cares if I had a bad GPA this semester? Who cares if I lost my tutoring job because of GPA? …..I actually do kind of care, but it’s okay. All those things can change and they will. A successful person is a happy person. So happiness is what I’ll work on. As much as I look forward to what the future brings, I just need to learn how enjoy the “right now”

I’m still alive :)

I realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I really just don’t have the time anymore. But if it were up to me, I would blog every day. 🙂

So I’ll update you on how things have been going since last time. Like I said earlier, I’m very busy. While trying to juggle hard classes, a tutor job, family, friends, and a sorority–I’m somehow still making it. This year has a totally different vibe than last year. Freshman year was more about freedom and finding myself and this year is about taking charge. I don’t go out as much. I don’t do stuff with friends as much. In my free time I just like to lay in bed so I can use that free time to just catch a breath. It’s a good thing to be busy though (even though it’s definitely stressful at times). So far this year, I’ve encountered a foreign exchange student from the Netherlands who has the hotts for me. He’s 6’6, blonde, and looks like a model. But the reality of him is masked by his adorable accent and smile. He told me he came to America only to party and to avoid actually going to school like he would have had to do in the Netherlands. He has no life goals or plans. All he does is party. And all though he’s an Abercrombie & Fitch dream, he’s not mine. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I’m just ready to meet someone real. And if they aren’t a potential boyfriend, then I don’t really want to waste my time. So I’ve kinda weened Netherlands off of me. But don’t think I’m crazy, I did make out with him at least 5 times in one night. 😉 Besides for him, I reconnected with my ex this past weekend. Not a good decision. I had been avoiding him since I came back to school and rejected his many offers to hang out. Well this weekend brought up a lot of emotions and feelings and promises. And of course in a matter of a day, he once again let me down. We end before we try starting again and I think that’s a sign from the Divine (I just rhymed). He is not the kind of person I want to be with. I don’t understand why I keep coming back to him, especially when I go months without even thinking about him. It doesn’t make sense. But he’s a chapter I’m ready to put behind me for good. It reminds me of an old teddy bear you have in your childhood. It becomes torn and dingy and stained but you can’t let go of it. Why? Because you still care for the original teddy bear and you are holding on because you think this dirty one is still the original underneath. Well it’s not. It’s time to throw it out and move on with life.

So this year so far would be summed up to busy + failed romances. But I’m good. Things could be better, but they could also be worse. I’ve got great friends and I’m happy that I have so many opportunities at my school. Sophomore year is in full swing.

Lil escape from life

This weekend was the first weekend I came home since I started school in August. My mom had eye surgery a few days after I moved in and I hadn’t been able to go and see her afterwards. So I decided to go home this weekend and I’m really glad I did. Going home helps me escape from the crazy and hectic life I live in college. I get to just relax and get pampered. It’s nice to be able to do that from time to time. My mom misses me so much all the time and now I kind of wish I lived closer to home so I could come see her more often. I know there are days where I just want to go to my parents house, especially when I feel stressed out. I missed socials and parties this weekend, but I don’t really care. I think I’ve told you guys before that I’m starting to get over the party scene. Every time I come back from a party and the drunkness lifts, I feel like a hungover depressed idiot. I’m also really working on avoiding my exes as much as possible. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made last year, and the best way to prevent that from happening is to not put myself in situations where any of my exes will be there. This will be hard to avoid because two of the guys are in the same fraternity that hang out with my sorority most of the time. But I just have to be a little cold and distant towards them, just the way they’ve been towards me in the past. I’m over feeling sad and wondering “if it could have worked out”. I’m just ready to meet new people and move on with my life. Anyways I’ll switch the gear from the gloomy talk to: I WAS ASSIGNED MY BIG SISTER! I don’t know who she is yet, but she texted me a really sweet message yesterday. I spent yesterday trying to figure out who she is but then I realized the phone number being used was from a text free app. So I wasn’t exactly a good Nancy Drew. Then late last night she sent me a cute meme of cats. Meaning she knows I love cats and has at least creeped on my Twitter to know that. I have a feeling it’s someone from my top 3 I picked from the big list, but we’ll see 🙂 I get my first basket on September 28th I believe! So I’m really excited. I think we find out who our bigs are on October 20th. I hope the process goes by fast because I’m just ready to know who it is! 🙂 Tonight I have a chapter meeting so I have to leave home earlier than I wanted. So because of that, I’m going to go spend some more time with my sweet parents. Peace love and waterfalls.

Why I chose my major

Most college students don’t know what they really want to do. Shoot! I could change my mind tomorrow! But I don’t think I will. I truly do feel as if I found my calling. It’s three words: Integrated Marketing Communication. I will tell you my journey into picking this major and maybe it will help you with your own journey.

So right now you’re either thinking “what the fuck is that?” or “oooo she’s think she’s all fancy and smart”. I assure you it isn’t that complicated and I promise I’m not a big talk nerd. Integrated Marketing Communication (IMC) is basically marketing combined with mass communication. And if you don’t know what marketing really is, it’s the field of selling a product to customers or showing them how great this product is. All the products, commercials, advertisements, movies, TV shows, and all companies have marketing teams that try to get their name out there! Mass communications works with media and communicating to a mass audience of people. So IMC is the two of them together! (Hope that made sense!)

Before I started school I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. I mean I really just wanted to become a popstar or oscar winning actress. Lol! I thought about various things in the medical field, but I knew in the back of my mind that I was really weak and science. I knew doctor was out of question because I was way too squeamish and hated going to the doctor. I didn’t like the environment. Pharmacy would be too boring. Then I shifted to computer science. Too much math (which I also was weak in) and it wouldn’t be something I would enjoy. Programming and coding all day in front of a screen? Not for me. Then I shifted to law and thought it might be the best fit, but law was something I wasn’t really passionate about. I knew I wasn’t confident enough to be a lawyer. I wasn’t tough enough. Then I thought about teaching and various other things but I knew that I wanted a more professional office setting job and I didn’t like kids that much to be around them all day and I wanted to make a decent amount of money.

When I decided to go to Winthrop I kept scrolling through the majors. Over and over again. I clicked on marketing first and saw that the marketing major was composed of a lot of classes that didn’t interest me but a lot that did. Then I found IMC and it clicked! It was a field that really interested me. Hands on stuff! Advertising, public relations, communications, etc. It seemed like a really good fit for me and after taking my first IMC class, I knew I was in the right place. My professor told us about the various internship offers Winthrop students get from all over the country! One girl even got to intern for MTV. I’m crave for the city and I know huge jobs and internships will be in big cities in this field.

I hope that once I get my degree and after my graduate one as well, that I get the opportunity to work for a huge company and be the president of their marketing team.

The road to getting my major won’t be easy, but I know once I get into my core major classes I will really really enjoy it. I just have to work hard and stay focused. When deciding what you want to do think of these questions: 1) Will I enjoy my job? 2) How much does salary matter to me? 3) Will I love this job enough to go through all these classes to get the degree? 4) Can I grow in this field and/or do I want to be somewhere I can grow and rise to the top? 5) Will this field have jobs for me where I may choose to live when I graduate? 6) How demanding will this field be for me? Will I have time for my own personal life?

Ask yourself these questions and do a pros and cons list for each career you are thinking. Choose the one that is best suited for the life style you want in the future. I cannot wait to learn more about my major! Hope you all find your place too!

Happiness is key :)

Why making your sophomore year busy, is a good idea

So you’re inching your way towards your sophomore year of college. Pretty big deal, huh? You’ve made it through one year of college already! It’s hard to believe and crazy to imagine and impossible to think, but yet it’s true. Your freshman year was basically you testing the waters and understanding college life. After a year, you’re pretty much an expert (maybe). Many freshmen join organizations on campus, go to tons of sports and cultural events, join a fraternity or sorority, and get a job. This post is NOT for those freshmen. 

I was part of the group of college freshmen that didn’t do…well pretty much anything. I wasn’t part of any organization, I didn’t have a job, and I went to very few sporting events and cultural events. And that was good for me. I needed that free time so I could find myself and figure out what I wanted and didn’t want to do. I don’t think it’s a really good thing to be super involved your first year of college. But your second year, it’s definitely a good thing. Here’s why:

You’ve had your laid back year. After freshmen year, things are just going to get tougher and tougher. You’re going to have harder and more demanding classes. You probably won’t be able to ace tests studying for them the night before. You’re classes will require more dedication. This means less parties and more studying. I know…it seems awful. But there’s a way to tackle fun and work and the way is; being busy! Last year you procrastinated on your school work because you didn’t have anything else to do. So planning for parties and nights out with friends could have become much more time consuming. The job market for people that have freshly graduated college is really competitive. Now, employers will not only be looking at your education, but your extra curricular. So it’s always a great advantage if you were part of a club or organization or have an internship to show on your resume. You can’t just breeze through college your whole time there. You have to work hard. I suggest getting an on campus job that’s flexible or joining a club/org that interests you. Maybe even consider Greek life. I am going to go through Informal Fall Recruitment when school starts and I’m going to try to get a paid tutoring position on campus. And if I have any time I might try to be a tour guide for my school as well. I don’t want to be overloaded with extra things, so we’ll see. This way you can be busy during the week. You’ll be motivated to get your work done. You’ll meet new people. You’ll see where you fit in. And you’ll avoid being around people you don’t want to be around. I met so many guys that ended up being jerks because I only met ones from a certain group. Being a part of different things can help me branch out and meet a variety of different people. Keep yourself busy, so you aren’t sad about being single or bored of having nothing to do. The more you have to do, the happier you will be and the more motivated you will be. ❤

Brando & Alinta

Last but not least in my bestfriend appreciation series, is my roommate Brandi. Brandi and I have an unusual story. At 14 years old I joined the crazed fanbase of a band called Allstar Weekend. I lived, ate, and breathed ASW. After waiting nearly two years to see them in concert, they finally came close to me (which was still 2 hours away). But it was after that show on December 10, 2010 that Brandi and I became Facebook friends. The concert had a facebook event page and through there we added each other. We talked occasionally about Allstar Weekend and other music. We ended up going to many of the same shows, but NEVER spoke at any of them. One time we were at a concert for a band called School Boy Humor and it was a really small venue so we CLEARLY saw each other but still didn’t speak. And then at another show in 2012, she was right behind me and I wasn’t sure it was her so we still didn’t talk. Fast forward to senior year, and I post on Facebook that I’m going to Winthrop. She comments and says she is also going there. That led to a lot of Facebook messages and when we realized neither of our best friends from home were going to the same college as us, we decided to be roommates. We used to send each other the longest messages. It was practically online dating. We got to know EVERYTHING about each other! Then I met up with her in person at Winthrop for a tour day in February 2013 and we totally clicked. Then we signed up for the same summer orientation and we even went shopping over the summer for our dorm! We became best friends almost instantly. Brandi has been such a big part of my life. She is in all of my first college memories and I love so much about her. She’s really tall and I’m really short, and we have very opposite features so we make adorable roomies/bffs. She loves children and she has a really big heart. She’s going to make a great teacher one day. She’s such an easy person to get a long with. She is very non judgemental and that’s such an awesome quality. She puts the sass in the sassy and sex in sexy LOL. She has the biggest “IDGAF” attitude. She’s a great friend and she will stick up for her friends like no other. She’s got a lot of confidence and has this fun/flirty personality. She’s got amazing legs and a big butt. What more do you need? LOL! She can go clubbing or sit and play Barbie board games with me. It’s no biggie. She has amazing music taste (obviously we have the same taste that’s how we met!). She’s sporty. She’s artsy and crafty. She’s head over heels in love with her bf and they’re two of my fave people. She’s an all natural, organic chick which reminds me of my sister. She’s definitely a guys kind of girl. She’s got a lot more guy friends and she gets along with them better in general. She’s very honest and she’ll tell me exactly how she feels about someone. She usually doesn’t approve of my choices in guys and she’s always right about them! Ha! She is an amazing baker!  She adapted to my weird sense of humor very easily and now she’s a crazy fool too. I can literally talk to her about anything and everything. After living with her, I know her so well. I know what erks her and I know what she likes. (Just a tip: don’t make bathroom humor jokes around her).  I love Brandi and I’m so excited to experience the rest of college with her!

The Hidden Paradise

Why am I Hidden Paradise? It’s quite simple actually. It’s because I’ve hidden for years. And the paradise part? Well that’s because I’ve been a pretty cool person this whole time, but no one really knew and therefore I’m a hidden paradise. Lol!

I grew up in a small southern town and for many years I was the only minority. The only not white or black person. I was with same group of students from preschool to my senior year of high school. Growing up I had a pretty great childhood. It wasn’t until about 5th grade that I started becoming really insecure. I wasn’t the most attractive girl on the block and I was different than everybody else, plus I was a huge try hard. I sucked up to everyone just so they would like me. Then I started getting bullied. It wasn’t until my older sister saw the messages on my computer that any action was taken. It was embarrassing for me. School officials were notified and the bullies parents after that. They were forced to apologize to me by their parents and I felt so lame for getting them in trouble. The next few years that followed were better but I still had major insecurity issues. From dying my hair blonde to getting colored contacts to even on purpose stretching out my country accent, I tried everything to fit in. I exaggerated a lot and made up ridiculous stories to seem cooler. I hid so much of my true self. My first year of high school I developed boobs but was skinny everywhere else and this girl started rumors that I stuffed my bra and spread like wildfire. She also told the older guys that I was “easy” and I started getting text messages from random boys asking to fuck me. I was 14 years old. Can you imagine how it felt to feel like a worthless slut when you had never done anything in your life? It was after that year that I slowly started to rebuild myself. It was a process but by senior year I was my true self, crazy, funny, outgoing Alina. I stopped caring about what people thought except my bestfriends. I ended up winning prom queen and getting the senior superlative for “funniest” in my grade. But there were still parts of me that were hidden.

Then I came to college and everything changed. I truly felt like I spread my wings. I was open with everyone I met and not one person judged me. I was able to be raw and real. It was such a freeing feeling. I realized that from this point on, I was only going to keep friends or guys around that accepted everything about me. I was done with
what people expected me to be. And I’m glad my friends from college have gotten to meet the real Alina. The Hidden Paradise.

Why it’s okay to not know the future

So it’s past 3 AM and I’ve been trying to go sleep for several hours now. Tonight, like most nights I sat in bed thinking about what the future beholds. They say there are three types of people: ones that dwell in the past, ones that dwell in the present, and ones that dwell in the future. I’m the latter. The future is where my mind wanders to very often. I imagine the ideal life I want and then I start to worry about what obstacles could get in the way. I think about my dreams and goals. Then I think about how they might be impossible. I think about the person I want to be in life. Then I think of how I’m not even close to being that person yet. Then it hit me. It hit me that it’s OKAY that I don’t know the future.

The future is an unknown place. It’s a place we haven’t reached yet. And it’s a place that we have no way to peek into. It’s important to do things that will benefit your future, but I realized I don’t need to worry about it 24/7. I’m 18 years old. I’m at the stage of my life that everyone wants to go back to. I need to enjoy this time instead of trying to find all the answers. The puzzle of my life will be solved one day. And until then I should just be happy and think about now! If we all already knew our future, there would be no mystery left. There would be no other options, no other opinions. We would feel stuck with a life chosen for us. We would already know everything and it would be the most awful surprise ruiner of all time! LOL!

I feel like everyone has a fate. Their fate is a sealed deal. But everyone also has a destiny I believe. Their destiny is subject to change. I think your destiny is the path you choose to take to get to your fate. Whatever is going to happen in my life, will happen regardless so there isn’t any reason to worry about it. I can’t change what has happened and what will happen. But I can change how I will take the things that come to me. And right now, my future husband and kids, future career, future life is not important. Right now, experiencing my youth is important. I’m never going to get this time back. And I don’t want to become one of the people that dwells in the past. Or the future! I want to be one who lives for today. Who lives for the present. ❤️

Lil Bit and Big Bit

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m going to be writing blogs about each of my best friends to show my appreciation for them. After all your friends make you who you are. Tonight I’ll be writing about my BFF Jennifer. I met Jennifer last February (2013) I believe. We met on the Winthrop Facebook page for incoming freshmen. There was this strange boy on the page posting about how much he loved trains and then bam like Harry met Sally, Alina met Jennifer. We both have the same sense of humor and we commented on the post sarcastically about how much we adored trains. This poor guy took us seriously and started sending pictures of different trains to us, then we added each other on Facebook and talked about how hilarious this dude was. We ended up following each other on Twitter also and started getting to know each other really well. We facebook messaged about our whole lives and our fears and things we were looking forward to at Winthrop. She and I both went to a special event for prospective students in April (2013) called World Wide Winthrop Day. That was the first day she and I met in person. I ended up touring a few residence halls with her. To be honest I was quite intimidated by her. She was super pretty and stylish. I thought she must have been really popular in high school. I liked her a lot, but I didn’t know whether our friendship would last or grow. We stayed in touch the whole summer and when we got to school within the first few weeks we visited each others rooms. We also went to our first college party together, which was quite an experience. First semester we were definitely friends, but she already had her own group and I had mine. Towards the end of second semester, we got a lot closer and by second semester she became my sister. I soon came to find out this girl was one of the funnest people ever. She’s an awesome party animal. She’s hilarious and has my same immature sense of humor. She’s got a beautiful smile! She’s very blunt and honest. She has a “no fucks given” attitude which is awesome. She’s a fantastic friend and always has our backs. She enjoys netflix, sleeping, being lazy, and eating A LOT, which is totally fine with me because I’m the same way. She will come play board games or come drink or come party or come sit in the same room just so I will have company. She’s definitely the boy-crazy one in the group, but we love it. She was the former Tinder-ella. She’s really beautiful, and I don’t know if she believes it or not, but if she doesn’t, she should. She’s a strong girl. She’s been through hell and back and yet still keeps a smile on her face. She’s your basic white girl with phrases like “literally cant”, “cant even” “im done” “literally hate her” and “LOL” (yes outloud). She’s a pretty great stalker and usually knows everything about everyone. She’s the wild child of my group of friends, but we wouldn’t change her for the world. Jennifer and I can always be very open with each other. We go to each other when we need to rant or just when we’re feeling sad. She gets me and I get her. She’s my Big Bit and I’m her Little Bit. Thanks for never judging me Jenny. I’m a lot to put up with. Love her so much!